So today, whilst shoe shopping with E and G, I found that I was fighting with two different personalities. The innocent young lady and the alluring woman. This was evident in the types of shoes I was looking at
My friend, E, is very sophisticated and the polar opposite of me in fashion sense and thoughts. I am a westy and she’s well, a northern beaches girl. She is quite beautiful and demure, whereas I am a loud person, who will speak my opinion and wear some pretty err let’s just say interesting outfits.
So back to the story about shoe shopping. E and I were disagreeing on shoes. I love my high heels and she is more of a kitten heel and sandals girl. We were talking about the shoes and pointing shoes out to each other and either putting our noses up at each other’s choice of shoes or just blatantly saying no haha.
came across a pair of heels that E, G and I liked. They were pretty and very lady like and VERY expensive (teacher’s wage… you suck!), We eyed them and discussed what clothes we would wear them with. Obviously a dress that matched one of the colours on the shoes, or thinking about it now, cut off jeans with an off the shoulder top and hat would be a great summer look. As we moved away from these shoes, I felt that I needed to continue looking when all of a sudden I understood why…
There was the most interesting pair of wedge heels on the 50% off table and O.M.G they were Marc Jacobs!!!! I fell in love with those shoes, like I’ve never fallen in love before. The pattern on them intrigued me and made me want to find an outfit just for them. They were stunning! They were also $250… It was a very depressing feeling as I walked away from them… However I did hint to the girls that they would be a great Christmas present (yes, we all know I am smart haha). I walked on until I found a pair of sexy Calvin Klein boots (Calvin, hurry up and propose to me already… please) This was my alluring woman side. I could team these boots up with a short t-shirt dress and feel sexy. These different types of shoes I wear, reflect an ongoing battle in my life. I was raised to dress like an elegant lady, modest, yet fashionable (nine west) however my love for all things sexy (Calvin Klein) made this so hard. Don’t get me wrong I like the elegant look, but the I guess the sexy look was something that was regarded as forbidden for me which is why I had this strong sense of wanting to be and dress sexy. At 25 years old I am still battling with these personalities.
I remember losing my virginity and my feeling like I was going crazy. Like this crazy fiery woman, I didn’t know was trying to take over me. I was really struggling with fighting her and my dad who could obviously see this fight I was having with myself said to me, “You can either be bad or good J, you can’t be both”. Back then I didn’t understand it., but now I do. It is still an ongoing battle for me, I hope soon, my good side will eventually win.