I thought he was going to be my lifetime..

Dear emotions,

Kind of doing a catch up. So i got back with my ex in november.

However on 11.1.18 he broke up with me and i’m sad, really sad. I’m sad that he broke up with me because he made me a better person. He made me see the world from a completely different perspective which i will always be grateful for.

Im also sad because he decided to break up with me 2 days before he went overseas (that was like de ja vu for me, as the guy previous to him did the same thing). I hated that, i hated knowing that he could go and escape this and be happy in a different place whilst i was here trying not to cry. Im not sure if it hurt him to break up with me, but right now all i can think is that he must feel relieved.

During the conversation i said to him, “you banged me for a year only to find out that you don’t want me anymore”. I didnt mean it like that, but i was tired and hurting so much, i couldn’t even explain myself (the overtired, emotional toddler in me came out to play). I hate that i said that and i am waaay too stubborn and i am feeling very hurt and sad to text him and explain myself.. Yes i have looked at his number a few times and started typing a message, only to press delete.

What i meant to say was, you taught me how special sex was. You made me see what a real relationship is and right now all i can feel is sadness. I have now lost someone and something that was so special to me.

The saying goes, people come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I thought he was going to be my lifetime, but it seems he came in for a reason. My life was a mess before he came in, now i have all these goals that i want to achieve.

I just wish that he was going to share my achievements with me.

12.1.18

Its the 12th day of 2018 and i cried. I really cried.

I had a different idea of how 2018 would turn out. But as usual, life did a complete 360 degree turn on me.

It really sucks and I’m sad right now. But I’ll get through it, i always do.