The power of netflix

So I was just watching, ‘Pretty Little Liars’ when all of a sudden there was a scene when Hannah tries to have sex with her boyfriend and he doesn’t want to. She feels rejected and it’s heartbreaking watching her as she tries to understand why her boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with her.

For me this moment brought up memories and feelings that I have felt. Wierdly enough it brought up when I had sex with my last boyfriend. Funny isn’t it, how instead of remembering my first time having sex, I had a completely different memory.

This last time was more special to me then my first time. Due to many different reasons. Firstly I was 22 when I lost my V card and I guess I didn’t do it for the right reasons. I  always said I would wait until I was married, but obviously that didn’t happen. I had sex for 1 reason. Everyone was talking about sex and I really wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Stupid I know. It was bloody painful and I was very emotional after that first time. I also changed a lot and became this defiant person.

But the reason for me remembering a different time was because, it was different. Perfect and so amazing. I was more mature and I saw it differently. I felt that I connected emotionally with this amazing guy and every single time we had sex it just felt  so right and perfect. He was and is a great guy and he taught me a lot. The most important thing he taught me was how special sex should be. You see, no other guy made me feel special. This man was so caring and loving and just fantastic in every way that he actually made me regret not waiting to have sex.

By the way, I don’t hate him for breaking up with, because breakups happen for a reason. However would I want to murder his next girlfriend or set her house/car on fire, probably (we’re women, we can’t stop those intense feelings.. blame the hormones haha). But I would definitely be really happy for him and being honest, I’d be really sad for myself, knowing that he was the one I wanted.

Pretty Little Liars, thank you for making me think about such an amazing moment in my life, but I also hate you for that.

To get a sugar daddy or not to get a sugar daddy, that is the question

So it turns out this weekend is the long weekend YAY!!! So here I am making plans with the girls, when I open up my netbank account and realise I am literally BROKE!!!!! ahaha so knowing I have like $45 to last me through to Tuesday, I create a plan… Like bitch please, you think being broke is going stop me from going to the Lindt café with the girls? hahaha NO!

That feeling of being broke does SOMETIMES make me feel quite stressed, however I seem to be able to really save money during those times, weird isn’t it? So since I’m hocus pocus brokus, I created a plan on how to make $45 stretch over 5 days (I get paid on Tuesdays). Off to Coles I went, I walked around the aisles for a bit and was like hmm, I don’t want to buy anything that I already have. When I stopped and thought about all the delicious food that was in my kitchen, I realised all I had was a jar of olives (like seriously of all the food to have, bloody olives). So as I walked around I decided that I should only spending $10.

Walking through the shops thinking about where the hell all the money I got paid went, I came to this realisation that maybe I should consider finding a sugar daddy haha. Seriously, on Netflix they have a documentary  ‘escorts’ and the show ‘the client list’ really makes you think, fuck I am seriously in the wrong industry! The guy paid for the woman’s monthly rent, like seriously, can I have some of that money! But then again when the woman said “I like cum” and was walking around with it on her boobs and face, I was like errr no thanks, that’s a bit eww.

So with these sugar daddy thoughts in my head, I walked through the pasta sauce aisle and found a sauce that was $1.70!!!  That with pasta for $2.50 and the olives I have,  will be my dinner for the next 5 nights. Doesn’t sound extravagant, but seriously I’d rather spend my money on going out and having a good old gossip with the girls. Cornflakes and milk was my other best friend and all up, it came to $9.80, which was awesome, cause I still get to have an awesome weekend.

However, let me just put it out there, if you are a sugar daddy and you’re looking for a girl who doesn’t want your cum or penis anywhere near her and are still willing to pay for her broke arse lifestyle, hit me up.

Yours truly

 

 

When an ‘I don’t give a fuck’ moment turns embarrassing, really quickly!!

Capture

 

 

After having 4 days off work I finally dragged my body out of bed (well I actually rolled out of bed, onto the floor) . I got dressed and  rang my girlfriend (girl that’s a friend, guys, keep up). As I was talking to her, I threw my clothes on without a care in the world and said to her, “I’m wearing a dress today and it’s probably too short for work (I work in a childcare centre) but i actually don’t give a fuck” She laughed and asked if i would get into trouble and i was like, “they’re more than welcome to send me home” we both laughed and carried on.

So i bought my daily coffee and off I went down the street and it was at this point, that i realised something…….. karma is a real BITCH!! I obviously did not think about the fact that I was going to use my backpack instead of a handbag today and whilst I was walking I felt my backpack had made my dress go up and I was literally walk around with my underwear on COMPLETE display!!!

And yer fair enough, I’m single now (I can finally say HOORAY as I’m feeling a lot better)so I would generally just be like whatever and shrug it off… BUT I was wearing my big GRANNY underwear that actually almost reaches my belly button!!!

Boy was I embarrassed, as this street I was walking along is actually a main road, so a lot of people would have seen my granny underwear today. Needless to say I was mortified and quickly pulled my dress down.

So people, a lesson in life- when you are having one of your, “I DON’T GIVE  A FUCK MOMENTS” take care that Karma doesn’t come and bite you in the arse, cause that feeling of embarrassment can be a bitch (unless of course a hot guy notices and asks for your number).

When you are slapped with the title of being SINGLE.

Recently my boyfriend and I broke up. Well if I’m being honest, he broke up with me.

I of course was devastated and shocked that he had come to this conclusion.. However I guess that’s how life works. The breakup conversation led to us deciding that we still wanted to keep in contact with each other. So we did this for about 3 weeks, until I just said to him that I felt like we were in limbo and we had to decide what we were doing. As we talked, I felt so good and I honestly believed we were going to work things out as we had both reflected on the reason for our breakup. However when push came to shove and I asked him last night if he was in our out, he said out. From this, I stated that we had to break communication as it was too hard to move on, if we were still talking.

Needless to say I was devastated and honestly, I still am. this feeling of being vulnerable is the worst. I’ve been so sad all day and I hate it so much! I hate feeling weak! I hate feeling like I gave someone else the power to make me feel sad! I hate the fact that I thought, wow this it, he is the one! I hate the fact that I allowed myself to open up to someone!

BUT the only way to be in a relationship with someone is to allow them to see your weaknesses and who you are truly are. Now the question is, when will I be ready to let a man see who I really am? Will I ever be ready? Will my dream of having a family actually eventuate? Or should I just give up?

These are points that I will probably figure out sooner, rather than later. But do I really want to know the answers to these questions?

 

Being a Woman

Dear emotions,
I FINALLY booked in for a pap smear!! I waited 2hrs to see my doctor just to get the referral and yes, I, of course went to a book shop and bought 2 books, during this time.
As I waited I started to feel really tired. I hadn’t had a great sleep, but this was like a really strong urge to just sleep on the REALLY comfy chair in the reception area (big shout out to short street medical centre for those comfy chairs!).  Needless to say I could feel that my stomach was quite bloated which meant… my period would start in a day or 2.
So I finally had my turn to see the nurse and she was great! so funny but like old school funny (I think she was in her 60’s). Obviously she asked me if I had ever had a pap which I answered with a big fat NO (yes people, I should have had one 3yrs ago but those ads of women crossing their legs made me terrified!) Continuing on, she explained the process. I was like okay I can do this! I lay there on the not so comfortable patient bed things and she put the instrument to open me up. When she started to use the swabbing instrument I cried out in pain, the nurse stopped and handed me some tissues and asked if I was okay. We then tried again. It was so painful that I cried even more.
My doctor came in and asked if it was because I wasn’t feeling comfortable and I replied “no, it just hurts a lot”. Instead of doing a pap smear procedure she did an internal and realised that it was muscular, when she couldn’t go in very far.
Needless to say, I left the medical centre feeling sad and my body was in a little pain. The  nurse was fantastic and so was my doctor. But my body was just saying a big HELL NO to a pap smear. Being a woman is hard!!!
Now that I am home, I’m feeling exhausted and yes the worst part of all I ordered maccas through the ubereats app as  I just cant seem to find the energy to move.
This feeling of tiredness seems to be taking over my body so  I shall say goodnight.