So I was just watching, ‘Pretty Little Liars’ when all of a sudden there was a scene when Hannah tries to have sex with her boyfriend and he doesn’t want to. She feels rejected and it’s heartbreaking watching her as she tries to understand why her boyfriend doesn’t want to have sex with her.
For me this moment brought up memories and feelings that I have felt. Wierdly enough it brought up when I had sex with my last boyfriend. Funny isn’t it, how instead of remembering my first time having sex, I had a completely different memory.
This last time was more special to me then my first time. Due to many different reasons. Firstly I was 22 when I lost my V card and I guess I didn’t do it for the right reasons. I always said I would wait until I was married, but obviously that didn’t happen. I had sex for 1 reason. Everyone was talking about sex and I really wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Stupid I know. It was bloody painful and I was very emotional after that first time. I also changed a lot and became this defiant person.
But the reason for me remembering a different time was because, it was different. Perfect and so amazing. I was more mature and I saw it differently. I felt that I connected emotionally with this amazing guy and every single time we had sex it just felt so right and perfect. He was and is a great guy and he taught me a lot. The most important thing he taught me was how special sex should be. You see, no other guy made me feel special. This man was so caring and loving and just fantastic in every way that he actually made me regret not waiting to have sex.
By the way, I don’t hate him for breaking up with, because breakups happen for a reason. However would I want to murder his next girlfriend or set her house/car on fire, probably (we’re women, we can’t stop those intense feelings.. blame the hormones haha). But I would definitely be really happy for him and being honest, I’d be really sad for myself, knowing that he was the one I wanted.
Pretty Little Liars, thank you for making me think about such an amazing moment in my life, but I also hate you for that.